Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Some days the only way I can motivate myself to go to work is the possibility I might have a conversation like this.

Child, upon exiting the bathroom:

Kid: Uhhh, I need to go change

Me: Why?

Kid: I got pee on me.

Me: You peed yourself? Oh man. Ok, well go change your pants.

Kid: No, It's on my shirt. (Points to the back of his shoulder)

Me: But dude, you're wearing short sleeves. How did you get pee on the back of your arm? I don't
even think that's humanly possible.

(Insert disturbing and confusing mental images)

Kid: (sniffing) Yeah. It's pee. It smells bad. See? (attempts to stick pee-sleeve in my face)

Me: NO I'M GOOD. I BELIEVE YOU. JESUS CHRIST PLEASE TAKE A STEP BACK. I just want you to explain how it got on your sleeve.

Kid: Well, there was pee on the floor.

Me: And what? You were rolling on the bathroom floor? Is that something you normally do?

Kid: No, I wasn't on the floor, the pee was on the floor.

Me: Yeah, I got that. HOW DID IT GET ON YOUR SLEEVE?

Kid: Uhhh, my shirt got in it.

Me: YES. HOW DID YOUR SHIRT GET IN THE PEE.

Kid: Well it was on the floor. Where the pee was.

Me: WHY WAS YOUR SHIRT ON THE FLOOR.

Kid: I took it off. Cause I was peeing.

Me: So you just felt like doing some shirtless peeing today?

Kid: Yeah

Me: Why would you take your shirt off?

Kid: I just wanted to.

Me: Well then. I don't even know what to say now. Go change your shirt.

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