Child, upon exiting the bathroom:
Kid: Uhhh, I need to go change
Kid: I got pee on me.
Me: You peed yourself? Oh man. Ok, well go change your pants.
Kid: No, It's on my shirt. (Points to the back of his shoulder)
But dude, you're wearing short sleeves. How did you get pee on the back
of your arm? I don't
even think that's humanly possible.
(Insert disturbing and confusing mental images)
Kid: (sniffing) Yeah. It's pee. It smells bad. See? (attempts to stick pee-sleeve in my face)
Me: NO I'M GOOD. I BELIEVE YOU. JESUS CHRIST PLEASE TAKE A STEP BACK. I just want you to explain how it got on your sleeve.
Kid: Well, there was pee on the floor.
Me: And what? You were rolling on the bathroom floor? Is that something you normally do?
Kid: No, I wasn't on the floor, the pee was on the floor.
Me: Yeah, I got that. HOW DID IT GET ON YOUR SLEEVE?
Kid: Uhhh, my shirt got in it.
Me: YES. HOW DID YOUR SHIRT GET IN THE PEE.
Kid: Well it was on the floor. Where the pee was.
Me: WHY WAS YOUR SHIRT ON THE FLOOR.
Kid: I took it off. Cause I was peeing.
Me: So you just felt like doing some shirtless peeing today?
Me: Why would you take your shirt off?
Kid: I just wanted to.
Me: Well then. I don't even know what to say now. Go change your shirt.