Tuesday, September 6, 2011

And also...

I realize that this will appear above the other post I did today, and people will say "Also what? What are you alsoing?"
Rather than answer that question I will tell you that alsoing isn't a word. Stop asking things.

A few nights ago I went to see a movie with my friend Simone.
We were getting some foods and Simone ordered a really fancy overly expensive Pomegranate Italian soda, and I was like "Well that ice looks good. I want some water. With ice. For not $4"

So the dudepants starts filling a little tiny stupid cup with water. And I say
"Um, maybe can you put it in the bigger cup? Like the one that my friend has?"
and he's all
"Nope. Only this cup."
And I in a friendly way say
"Oh. That's really a small cup. I'll pay you a quarter for a bigger cup..."
He says
"No, if I give you a bigger cup I have to charge you for a soda like she has."
"You have to charge me $4 for a cup of water in a slightly larger cup? For reals?"
and he looks at me like I'm the stupidest woman on the planet and says
"Haven't you ever been to a place that inventories cups before??!!"
I said I hadn't and he just put down my water and walked off in a spiteful way.

So at first I was mad because he was a jerk and thiswaterissodamnsmallitisalreadygoneyoudouchebag.
But then I realized that guess what he does for a living?
Gives me water and smells like popcorn and inventories cups.
So I guess I win at life.  

P.S.  Do places seriously inventory cups? As a manager, how do you motivate your employees to do a good job at that? "Now Doug, your job for the 1-2am slot on inventory night is to COUNT THOSE BIG PLASTIC CUPS. If there are any less than 583 you need to LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE A BIG PLASTIC CUP SHRINKAGE PROBLEM ON OUR HANDS. I don't want to have to bring this up at that morning meeting where we do weird movie-theater oriented cheers and compliment each other for filling up the butter flavoring machine preemptively, so COUNT CAREFULLY. I'm trusting you with this job Doug. Don't let me down."

P.P.S. I realized after posting that when you post something after midnight it is actually the next day, thus making my title IRRELEVANT because it totally looks like I'm just posting things on totally different days. It feels kind of late for me to be writing coherent sentences. This is what happens when the guy at Medieval Times says "My lady, would you care for some coffee?" and you are surrounded by 3 shrieking children and you think "Indeed, I love coffee and it will improve this situation immensely." You were wrong.

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